Ahh, how I DO love a
good low budget film like this. I know that's odd for a considering I'm
a girl and this movie would likely fall under the "skin flicks"
umbrella. For starters, I don't have an aversion to low budget boobie
flicks, and secondly I think there were only four boobs in total in
this movie. Two belonged to Linnea Quigley while the other pair were
Karen Russell's. I was certain Ginger Lynn would take her top off
considering her history, but no dice. I digress, I know. Just trying to
demonstrate the point that this is hardly a skin flick.
 It
was, however, poorly written, delivered, shot and directed but you know
what? None of that matters in the slightest because Vice Academy was
simply dumb fun. You could tell that all involved had fun making the
film. Although the budget was glaringly low, the energy was high. I
really think that's what is missing from low budget films nowadays.
Vice Academy knew it was B-Grade and embraced the fact. Nowadays films
(even low budget ones) try to be more than they are and take themselves
too seriously. Sometimes that works, but most of the time it doesn't.
The movie opens with some terrible dialogue and ridiculous dancing from
Holly Wells (Ginger Lynn Allen) as she tries her charms on a couple of
drug dealers so she can make an arrest. Her plan is fruitful, but as we
learn the next day, she didn't do it without the help of her daddy
dearest, the chief of police. Holly is a brat and does whatever she can
to make life hell for her classmates Didi (Quigley), Shawnee and Dwayne
- curiously enough a male in Vice training. The rivalry between Didi
and Holly is exceptionally fierce and the two can't stand each other.
Unable to bear another day of her bragging, Didi sticks a sign to
Holly's back that says "Vice Cop". Holly, of course, doesn't realise
and has no idea why no one will come near her as she prowls the streets
for scumbags.
 While
out on the boulevard, laughing about what a terrible night Holly must
be having, Didi and Shawnee stumble across a battered young girl,
hiding in an alleyway. They offer to help her and disclose that they
are cops. The girl, who says her name is Cherry Pop cries and refuses
their help. She claims that the porno studio that she used to work for
did this to her because she wanted to quit. She is only sixteen and
worries that they will kill her. She runs away, but Didi and Shawnee
decide to make taking down the porno operation their mission.
Fortunately, their teacher Miss Devonshire allows them to take on the
assignment and equips them with all sorts of crazy equipment, such as
microphone earrings, a lipstick that simulates gunfire and even a
perfume spray that makes the sound of a police siren. Miss Devonshire
also gives Didi a porn star's resume so that she can infiltrate the
operation and take it down from the inside.
The sleazy producer of course hires Didi in an instant, and when the
hunky leading man, Chucky Long arrives, Didi can't believe her luck. It
appears everything in on track for the big bust, that is until Didi's
backup decides to listen to a tape in the van instead of her microphone
feed. Rather than blow her cover, Didi opts to get it on with Chucky
and it isn't until the scene has been shot that Shawnee and Dwayne
realise they missed Didi's call for backup. The three of them arrest
the producer and director and take them down to the station, however
Didi has other plans for Chucky Long - she takes him back to her place
and handcuffs him to the bed.
 The
next day in class, Didi is suitably impressed with herself and can't
wait to see just who is the teachers pet is, but is shocked to find out
that due to the fact that she did the wild thing with Chucky before
making her arrest, they would be unable to prosecute them. Didi,
Shawnee and Dwayne are suitably disappointed, they still have to make
their ten arrest quota - and they only have 24 hours left!
Didi is not one to give up easily though, and the trio take to the
streets to bust some hookers and try their hardest to make up the
quota. Things seem to be going well until the hookers gang up on Dwayne
& Shawnee, taking them prisoner and heading to the hideout of
their boss, the Queen Bee!
Incredibly, Didi managed to stay out of sight and makes a desperate
call to Chucky (who is still handcuffed to her bed) to come and help
her find her friends. It turns out she left a key to the handcuffs
under the phone after all. Despite the fact that Didi has kept him
prisoner for the last 24 hours, Chucky sees no problem with coming to
her aid.
Down
at the warehouse, things don't look good for Shawnee and Dwayne who
have been tied up by the rather irritated Queen Bee. She's annoyed that
they know nothing of her "notoriety" and instructs the pair that she
will be selling them into white slavery. Didi and Chucky arrive in what
seems to be the nick of time, but how are the two of them going to
arrest a gang of ten hookers all by themselves? And its only a few
hours until graduation! Can they make their quota in time?
This movie really is as ridiculous as it sounds. It's so cartoonish
that if it weren't for the recurring themes of pornography, prositution
and knees to the crotch I think it would make a great kids movie. I've
watched the first three of these movies (all in one sitting, actually!)
and the two sequels are no different. They are cheesy, slapstick fun,
not overtly smutty either and I found them quite entertaining.
But yeah, you all know I like crap like this. Sure, there's SO
many plotholes (I was really expecting the porn resume to belong to
Miss Devonshire) and some of the situations are just so unbelievably
circumstantial that you might just sprain an eyeball rolling them, but
I liked it. If I didn't own so many movies I would probably say that I
would watch it again!
Unfortunately the only main characters to return for the sequel were
Didi, Holly and Miss Devonshire. Vice Academy II was Linnea's last Vice
Academy appearance also. In the third flick she was replaced by
Elizabeth Kaitan.
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Year: 1989
