I *think* this movie is stupid.
You see, I'm not really sure yet. I don't think I have had enough time yet to
reflect and
decide. What I do know is that I purchased Pretty Smart from one of those wacky
Hong Kong
region 0 DVD dealers (because you can't get it anywhere else) under the
impression that I
was going to get a zany, fun 80's comedy about girls running riot, pulling
pranks and
gettin sexy at a boarding school. That's not what I got. It tried, but it
failed.
The potential was there, the idea that the writer must have originally had for
the story
before they hired the fourteen year old to take over on the script was great,
and even the
characters were likable or fun to hate. But something was missing and I'm still
not quite
sure what that was. Ziggs, our main protagonist is a hot sexy punk chicky babe
with a bad
attitude. Her sister Jennifer is the complete opposite. Perfect blonde Miss
Priss. It's
easy to see that the two aren't gonna get along. Jennifer is going off to
boarding school
in Greece, and after Ziggs foils a bank robbery somehow by stripping down to her
underwear, (as seen in the opening credits) her parents decide that it is time
to send
this troubled teen overseas with her sister to get some good old boarding school
style
discipline. Ziggs does not want to go, and Jennifer doesn't want her there
either. I wish I could get a trip to Greece if I stripped off in public.
Arriving at the school, here's where we start to realise this movie sucks. As
would be
expected in all 80's social situations, there are two types of person at Ogilvy
Academy.
The Preens, the rich, pretty and popular girls, and the Subs - which is pretty
much anyone else who doesn't fall into the category of rich, pretty and popular. Upon
arriving
at the school, Ziggs immediately gets on the wrong side of Mr Crawley, the
schools smarmy
administrator. He's the kinda guy that screws the students you know? Ziggs ends
up rooming
with Zero, a very young Patricia Arquette - a Sub, while her sister rooms with
the
large fake breasted Samantha, a Preen of course. We see her boobs a lot. More
than any
other boobs.
Now, I gotta comment on this, because it's driving me nuts. You'd think that
being the
underdogs, Ziggs, Zero and their Sub friends would bond and work together
againts the
Dean and his snobby Preens. But confusingly, they don't. Even towards the end of
the
movie, Ziggs' friends are willing to ditch her and snob her completely when she
gets into
any form of trouble. Even though they were hugging and laughing and partying
together only
the scene before. This makes no sense to me. It probably would have made a
better movie if
the girls had stuck together and all got into the same troubles together, rather
than it
just being Ziggs alone all the time. A vague attempt at this was made towards
the end of
the movie, but it was a little too little a little too late. I know this brings
an element
of realism to the flick, cause we all know teenage girls will stab each other in
the back at any given moment, but who wants real from an 80's movie? We want Girls Just
Want To
Have Fun! I've always actually wondered why Helen Hunt's "cool" character had no
other
friends in that movie. But anyway.
Ziggs gets into trouble a lot, as we would expect from someone who dresses
rebelliously. Mr Crawley reprimands her for turning up pretending to be pregnant at an important
assembly by burning her clothes. This of course prompts Ziggs to dress
normally and ask for forgiveness to try and gain Mr Crawley's trust. We can all
see that it's
a lie, but the problem is she doesn't let her friends in on the scam, so they
all think
she has abandoned them. Then when they discover the truth after Ziggs turns the
Tennis
Tournament party into a Ratt Concert, she has a lame excuse that I can't even
really
remember. Oh yes, the Tennis Tournament!
Once a year, the boys from Burnside Academy come over to have a tennis
tournament with the
girls and spend the night on Campus. This is where things get ugly. It turns out
that Mr Crawley is aware of his Preens slutty behavior (ohh the boobs!) with the
boys and has
cameras installed in their rooms and showers for a little sneaky peeky. He sells
the tapes
to weird foreign men. After he crashes Ziggs surprise birthday party where
amazingly the
Preens and the Subs are getting along, AND steals her boombox the girls find out
not
only about the recorded amateur porn ring Mr Crawley has going, but that he is
using them to transport drugs when they go on shopping trips. He had power over the girls when
he was
able to use their rivalry with one another to distract them, but his secret is
out now and
the Preens and Subs must work together to get him out of the academy. Its just
like the
cool teacher that he fired tried to tell us about an hour ago. I never would
have guessed.
Somewhere in amongst all this kerfuffle, we learn that The Academy is in
financial
trouble, but luckily it is owned by a crazy guy who likes goats and only
requires four of
them for yearly rent. Plus, Ziggs meets a boy. Awww. Their interaction consists
of a meeting in the gardens, her asking for his help, and then the two of them acting
like they
were a couple the whole movie. Lets hear it for plot holes!
I'd also like to add that this movie has one of the most misleading theatrical
posters I
have ever seen.
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Year: 1987
