I think this movie may actually be the perfect
movie, and I'm ashamed to say that I waited so long to see it. I'm now convinced
that I won't be able to continue existence if I don't watch this movie once a
month. It's everything a cheesy, camp 80's horror film should be. Complete with
kickass theme track. (which I bought yes yes).
Mike and Debbie are typical, normal American teenagers, on a date at the local
make out spot. Mike's buddies, the Terenzi brothers and their fat dates head up
to the make out spot to try and sell some Ice Cream (before the fat girls hoe in
anymore). Sadly no one wants Ice Cream and Mike has a good chuckle about the
brothers shenanigans before turning his attention back to Debbie. Then out of
nowhere, from the back of Mike's car they witness what appears to be a shooting
star that landed very close by. Meanwhile, an old man and his bloodhound who own
the property where the "star" landed, head out to investigate and spout cheesy
hick lines. Instead of finding a meteorite of any kind, they come across a giant
metal circus tent. And as expected, the man and his dog are merely fodder and
disappear quickly. Mike and Debbie have decided to look for it as well, but when
they find the tent, they are able to get inside.
 Despite
all the weird gadgets and tunnels, Mike's still convinced this is one
of those funky new European circuses, but Debbie feels like something
isn't right. After a little exploring they find a room that smells like
cotton candy (fairy floss for those of the non-American persuasion).
Great big mounds of the stuff are hanging from hooks and while Mike
still thinks this is great, Debbie tries frantically to tell him that
no one makes cotton candy that way and that they are on a spaceship.
They pull at one of the hanging mounds and uncover a human face
underneath! So that's what happened to the old man!! Their plans to
scram however are thwarted when one of the clowns arrives to hang up
some more candy. Desperate, they make a run for it and the clown shoots
them with flying popcorn which sticks to their clothes and hair. They
get away, but who's gonna believe their zany story?
Debbie tells Mike that they can go to the police, because she has a friend
there. There appears to be only two cops in the entire town, so I'm guessing
it's not the grumpy old guy who's growling and beating up the prisoners. My
money is on the young tanned blonde dude. Turns out this friend of hers is
actually her ex boyfriend Dave, and he'd rather beat up Mike than believe their
story. Dave makes Debbie go home, who of course like any good horror movie
heroine chooses to take a shower in times of adversity, while the boyfriends
head back up to the farm to confirm the crazy killer clowns story. All that's
left of the tent however is a big crater in the ground. But the clowns are
headed into town and back up at the make out point, Dave finds enough cotton
candy to convince him that the story might not be so crazy after all.
Back at the Police station, bad cop is convinced that the whole town is out to
make him look like a fool and begins ignoring all the phone calls from frantic
citizens about the gathering of killer clowns in their little town. He really
needs to die. Meanwhile, the clowns are gathering citizens in their cotton candy
cocoons and generally causing a lot of trouble. Dave and Mike witness a shadow
puppet eat a bus stop full of citizens and while Dave goes to get backup, Mike
finds the Terenzi brothers and goes to check on Debbie.
Debbie however has problems of her own. The popcorn that the clown shot at her
appears to grow into baby clown worms when in the dark, and the clothes she put
in her hamper were covered in it. Making a run for it, she discovers that the
clowns know where she lives and they trap her in a giant balloon and head off in
their clown car. Mike and the Terenzi brothers arrive there moments too late and
head off after her. They are soon joined by Dave whose attempt to get backup
didn't go so well. Back at the station he found Bad Cop Curtis dead at the hands
of a giant green haired clown. The townspeople are disappearing and Mike and
Dave must find out where they have Debbie, but they need to find the ship first.
If you were a clown, where would you hang out? The Amusement Park of course!
They find the ship without too much trouble atop the funhouse and head to the
cotton candy room losing the Terenzi brothers somewhere along the way. When a
clown comes into the room, they hide, only to witness him pull out a massive
crazy straw and suck the blood out of one of the mounds. They find Debbie and
make a run for it. Dave discovered you can kill a clown by shooting it in the
nose, but he doesn't have enough bullets. The clowns soon have them surrounded.
Can they escape? Where are the Terenzi brothers? Why did Dave kiss Debbie when
she's going out with Mike? So many questions!
I loved this movie, and all the talk of remakes on IMDB makes me wanna gag. It's
fine the way it is. Lets not cock it up at all. I'm sure Tim Burton has plenty
of original ideas in his head and doesn't need to do another remake right now.
*Gosh*
Another small piece of trivia, the amusement park seen at the end of the movie
is none other than the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, the same park seen in The
Lost Boys.
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Year:
1988
