Oh.
My. God. Can someone explain to me exactly how this movie escaped from
the 80's? Not only that, how did it escape my attention for so long? It
was fucking horrible! But in the best way imaginable! Most of the
movies that were parodied in Not Another Teen Movie were done in a
completely over the top fashion, and having not seen Bring it On, I
assumed it was the same. I was wrong. Very wrong. It is every bit as
ridiculous as Not Another Teen Movie makes it out to be, if not more
so.
 As
I sat watching the opening scene in complete disbelief, I wondered if
the rest of the movie was inspiration for High School Musical. The
unsuspecting viewer (ie. me...or you) is treated to a musical
introduction to the Rancho Carne cheerleaders, more specifically the
films' main protagonist Torrance Shipman. The cheerleaders cheer their
way through an asinine song about how they are pretty, popular and the
most awesome thing at the school. Thankfully, we discover that it's
just a dream, as Torrance winds up naked in front of the whole school
by the end of the scene. The movie improves from here. Only slightly,
but an improvement nonetheless.
Musical introductions aside, the basic premise is that the head
cheerleader of the Rancho Carne Toros, Big Red (yes, that's her name),
is graduating and must pass the torch to a new head cheerleader.
Torrance is a shoe in for the position, so no one is surprised when she
is named Big Red's successor. Torrance has big shoes to fill - the
Toro's are five time National Cheerleading Champions, and she will be
expected to lead them to another win. Feeling ambitious, she instructs
her squad to attempt a very difficult pyramid maneuvre, which fails and
winds up sending one of her girls to hospital. Not only has she made a
mistake in front of her squad on the first day, but she has to replace
her injured girl as well. Torrance starts to think that she is cursed.
 After
a bevy of absolutely disastrous auditions, Torrance is ready to give up
- that is until Missy walks through the door (The utterlty bangable
Eliza Dushku). Missy has never cheered before and isn't exactly the
perkiest individual, but she's an outstanding gymnast and considering
there is no gymnastics program at the school, cheering is her last
resort. The other girls don't want her on the squad, but Torrance sees
potential and overrules them (because it's totally not a cheer-ocracy).
Missy also has a smokin' hot brother named Cliff, but we'll get to that
later.
Missy joins the squad with a little co-ercing from Torrance, but
decides against her decision when she actually sees them practice. She
storms out, and Torrance follows her. Missy convinces Torrance to get
in her car, and takes her to see the East Compton Clovers cheer - where
she discovers that Big Red had stolen all of their cheers from the
Clovers. Regionals are only weeks away, and she must now tell her squad
that they have no original routines, and convince them to learn a new
one. Torrance turns to her boyfriend Aaron for support, he's an ex
member of the squad who has also moved on to college, and he tells her
to hire a choreographer. It costs the team $2000, and the guy is
nothing short of a joke. The clovers also pay them a visit, to let them
know that they will be going to the regionals too. And that they better
bring it. *snort*
 Torrance
and the girls are short on options, so they decide to go with his
ridiclous routine and hope for the best. Torrance thinks that maybe she
should quit cheerleading, but Missy's (super foxy) brother Cliff tells
her that he believes in her, something that her fickle boyfriend Aaron
has been a bit short on as of late. The regionals arrive, and Torrance
is crushed to discover that their choreographer was a scam artist, and
five other teams have their exact routine. Luckily for them, being last
years winners, they are given a free pass to Nationals, but the blow
still causes Torrance to doubt her leadership qualities. Aaron thinks
she should give up being captain and just cheer and to make matters
worse, when he drops her home, Torrance finds Cliff waiting for her. He
brought her flowers, and even wrote her a song, but now he feels like
an idiot. Yep, it's the "it all goes to shit at the one hour mark"
folks. It will get you every time.
Torrance listens to the song Cliff wrote her, and gets a wake up call
about trusting her gut. It turns out that Aaron called squad bitches
Courtney and Whitney and told them that Torrance was resigning, but she
informs them that that is not the case. She tells her squad that she
believes in them, and that they are going to work their asses off to
come up with something original and awesome for Nationals. With the
squad behind her once more, she also decides to pay a visit to Aaron,
only to discover that the reason he has been so busy and unable to help
her is because he's been keeping himself occupied with other girls on
campus. Torrance suspected as much, and tells him it's over. She tries
to reach out to Cliff, but he's still hurting from prior events
(brooding and hot. Meow!).
 But
relationship woes aside, the Nationals are finally upon them, and the
time has come for all parties involved to "bring it". I'm so sorry, I
couldn't resist. The Toro's have come up with an amazing and original
routine, but so have the Clovers, and there can be only one winner.
This is where the movie makes NO SENSE AT ALL (highlight for spoilers).
They come second!! And they are thrilled about it! Even the bitchy
girls think it's great! What the hell? Didn't they just say twenty
minutes ago it was all about winning? Oh well, Torrance finally patches
things up with Cliff, and gets a huge pash. Right on. Then, we
are treated to some horrendous lip-synching of Toni Basil's Mickey, not
being sung by Toni Basil. And then some bloopers.
There are three more of these movies. If they are as jaw-droppingly craptacular as this one, I've got some catching up to do.
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Year: 2000
